Something In The Attic

by john
(Indiana,Indianapolis)

Hi my name's John and I'm a 32 year old single male. I plan not to get married.

Anyway back in 2008 I moved in a house in Indianapolis. From the very first night I lived there I could hear someone walking up in the attic. On the 2nd day I lived there I went up there to throw some of my unneeded crap like books and movies that I never read or watched.

Anyway, I am placing crap in good order when all of a sudden I felt something kick me in the back. It didn't hurt, but it as a kick. I turned around and saw nothing there. I checked around to see if I could find whatever kicked me, but I couldn't find anything. Not to mention my attic smells like someone smokes up there every day.

Anyway, after that experience I decided I was never going up in my attic again. But I had no choice. I heard someone walking up there every single day so I grabbed one of my golf clubs and went to see who the hell was in my attic.

I went up there and saw a smaller man smoking cigarettes. He was looking out the window. I snuck behind him and whooped him good over the head with my golf club.

He said, "Ow, shit, what the fuck?!" then he turned around and saw me and said, "Why you fucking dick..."

I said "Get outta my house!"

He replied "This is my house. I lived here way before you." Then I hit him again, this time in the leg. He said ouch again and ran around the chimney and lifted up a brick and had a knife. He pointed his knife at me and said "I'm gonna turn you into wood!"

I threw my golf club down and ran so so fast down the stairs, but I fell over and twisted my ankle so bad I couldn't walk. But the man never came down the stairs after me. He just stood at the top of the stairs cursing at me. I still live here and will continue. I am going to call my brother tomorrow and we are gonna go kick that guy's ass out of my house.

The man has dark hair, all gelled down. He wears a black suit and has a mustache. I believe he is just a man. I sleep with one of those little toy birds that sings every time someone comes close to you, so if he ever tries to do something to me in my sleep I will wallop his ugly ass. I also sleep with a big stick that I found in my back yard. My golf club is still in the attic.